It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.

THE UNEXPECTED SEQUEL:

"I should go do something useful."

• The flat statement offers no direction; it does not lead to action, only self-recrimination.
• The implied judgment of yourself as not currently being "useful" is toxic. It tells you that you are being bad and lazy.
• My mom died in 2006, but sometimes it's like I hear her voice.....
• "Useful" is ill-defined and an easily-moved goalpost.
• The idea of people needing to be "useful" is the voice of oppression. Lots of -isms hide there. Including (Tim Curry voice) capitalism.
• No really, literally this is the voice of everyone who has ever guilt-tripped or browbeaten you for not meeting their standards. Every parent, every boss, every teacher, every gatekeeper. It is the voice that harmed them so much they had to pass it on rather than reckon with it.

"What could I do to help myself out later?"

• Is a dialogue you can engage with. Open-ended.
• Properly frames any action as being helpful to yourself. It is a kindness. Kindness is important.
• Sets you up to appreciate what you did later on when you say "Dang, that folded towel was real nice, made me feel real good pulling it out of the laundry closet. Thanks, past me!" Reinforcement!!!
• Doesn't put you on the spot right now. You could just as easily ask "What can I do an hour from now to help myself out later?" as "What can I do now?" You can give yourself that beautiful airlock time to mentally prepare.
• Being helpful, even slightly, even to no-one but yourself, is better for the spirit than being "useful". Capitalism doesn't give a shit about helpful. It wants to use you, and it teaches you that if you are not being useful, you are by necessity, useless. Our culture, based on capitalism, implants this toxic mindset in us in myriad ways, and we carry it into our private lives where it does not belong and we weaponize it against ourselves. Never think that your value is determined by usefulness. Even when you can't do anything, you aren't useless. The concept of usefulness/uselessness is an idea that means a lot when applied to objects. It has zero meaning when applied to human beings. Expunge it from your vocabulary. Do not use it for yourself, or for others. Ever.
• Fuck capitalism. Be a comrade to yourself.
• Don't be my mom. (Dead but also a bitch.)

Third revelation:

"I have to [blank]."

Not as good as:

"It is important that I [blank]."

"I have the opportunity to [blank]" sometimes isn't enough for tasks I truly hate and WILL avoid. How to overcome that? Certainly not by making it seem even worse by turning it into something I don't have a choice about!

I don't like scooping the cat litter or taking out the trash or brushing my teeth, but it is important that I do. "Have to" is not as helpful to me because it just says I have an obligation. Even if that is true, which it often is, I hate that phrase. "Have to." Ugh.

"It is important" reminds me of why I am doing it. So my cats have a clean potty. So my kitchen isn't stinky. So I get a good grade in Teeth.

I thought of this today and came to look and update this post. Now I see a couple people have mentioned something like this in comments. And a lot of folks are talking about the "shoulds" and their therapists and their personal growth or resolutions and it is so validating for me to see that.

I don't check notes ever, I had no idea this got so many of them. I'm very glad it did and I hope it continues to do so.

For everyone making the change, I'm proud of you.

For everyone who tried and kind of lapsed, here's your reminder: you can always dust yourself off and go back to applying this as best you can.

youre right im sorry

theyre so fucking color and shape bro

this was supposed to be 15 note post but im glad everyone sees my vision.

kiln gods are also A Thing!

they’re little sculptural critters that potters make and leave on or around their kiln for good luck. a lot of them have to do with fire or are holding pottery (Calcifer from Howl’s Moving Castle is one I’ve seen multiple times) but a kiln god can be anything

I share a kiln so I don’t want to take up space on or near the kiln, so I just put a kiln god through with every batch of pottery

here’s a selection of mine (all holding pottery)

the head of the ceramics dept learned his wood fire techniques in Japan, including a Shinto take on the kiln gods.

wadding is a material glaze doesn’t stick too, and it’s used to prop up pieces in a wood fire kiln because otherwise the wood ash would weld them to the shelves.

everyone has to make a little wood fire idol out of wadding and place them on top of the kiln

and unlike a gas or electric kiln that can be programmed and then left alone aside from a few checks, a wood fire kiln needs to be babysat for the full 2-3 day fire (for our size kiln anyway).

cool thing is there’s an external pit where we burn thin pieces of wood to get a good ash layer on the pieces, and you can cook in said pit while you’re watching. but our prof required us to throw a little bit of whatever we cooked into the main fire as ordering

he also opened the firing by sharing some sake with the kiln before lighting it

we have so little control

the kiln can finish our work

and make them functional

or it can destroy it all

so we make offerings

and protectors

and pray

- Clay Pigeon

Sharecropping.

FYI if your employer does this, if they have done it for a long time especially, you and your coworkers could be owed huge amounts of unpaid wages and it would be an easy suit if there is a paper trail like this and your employer is placing strict requirements on your behavior while not at work. Employment lawyers generally work on contingency. Just food for thought.